


Adventures in Forests, Pale Polyamory, and Whatnot

by ungrateful_sinner



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU where Karkat stops Kanaya from McMurdering Eridan, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fun Times In The Forest, Gen, Multi, Other, Pale Polyamory, Pale Romance, Trolls knowing literally nothing about Earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 20:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18901801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ungrateful_sinner/pseuds/ungrateful_sinner
Summary: “Hey, what the fuck is that,” he hisses.  You can see his ears fold back in a display of aggression, and you’re suddenly very, very worried.  “No, really, what the everloving FUCK is that?!”(In which a trio of moirails goes to explore the new world and has an encounter with an "apex predator".)





	Adventures in Forests, Pale Polyamory, and Whatnot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ihasa (Ihasafandom)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihasafandom/gifts).



“Why the actual FUCK would you think that Dumbledore was anything even close to VAGUELY RESEMBLING a decent person?!”

 

“He’s one of those fuckin’ human pseudo-lusus guys!  Those are ALWAYS good people!”

 

“I could fucking write you TWENTY GOGDAMN PAGES on why he’s a shitty, vomit-inducing fuckhead!  He’s a manipulative bastard that shouldn’t have been placed in any fucking position of authority to begin with!”

 

You let out a deep sigh at the petty argument your moirails are engaging in.  Of all the things they could be discussing, it’s the one series that you haven’t finished yet.  You COULD try to sway the conversation towards a series that you’ve all read, but the last time you did that, you had to witness your favorite books be insulted for a good two hours.  And to be honest, that’s not really an experience you want to repeat.

 

“Didn’t he rescue the main character, though?” You pipe up.  You’re not very far in the series (only to the third book), so you don’t really understand much of what they’re talking about.

 

“Exactly!” Eridan sounds relieved at your intervention.  Karkat, on the other hand…

 

“HE’S THE FUCKING REASON HARRY WAS WITH A SET OF SHITTY GOGDAMN LUSII TO BEGIN WITH!”  You almost have to cover your ears with that volume. How did this troll pacify both you and Eridan again?

 

“It’s human stuff, Kar!  They have a weird fuckin’ view of shit!”

 

“No, it’s fucking not!  In what ass-backwards society is leaving someone you supposedly give half a shit about in a dangerous situation EVER fucking okay?!”

 

That… actually makes a lot of sense.  And considering what his own matesprit has been through, it makes sense that he’s so passionate about it.

 

“While I do believe that that is an excellent point, I also feel the need to point out that in the middle of the woods may not be the best place to start yelling.”

 

“Oh, fuck off, it’s Earth.  The shit here can’t even stand against a wiggler.”  He keeps walking across the log the three of you are currently crossing over.  His balance is impeccable, and he doesn’t wobble in the slightest. Eridan, on the other hand, has both arms held out in an attempt to keep himself upright.  You’ve been fighting off a laugh since he got on it. It would be so easy to knock him over into the shallow river below. It’s not that far of a drop, either…

 

“Kanaya, I don’t know WHAT you’re planning, but don’t you fucking dare.”  Karkat’s voice tears you away from your thoughts. He’s not even looking at you and he can tell you were thinking of something devious.  Still, you play innocent.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lie.  You really could shove the seadweller into the river.  But as humorous as it would be to tease him, he has the map that the three of you are using.  Although, is it really a map if it’s not finished? You’re not sure.

 

Anyways, the reason your group is out here in the first place is because Eridan wanted to chart out the area.  Exploring is a thing he’s really started to enjoy ever since the end of the game. Making maps and all that. You don’t really mind, though.  The more ground you all cover, the more likely you are to find a suitable place to hatch the matriorb that Roxy created. Of course, you haven’t traveled very far from the “base” that the surviving players set up, but these things can take time.  And you like to think of yourself as a very patient person.

 

You’re only a few feet away from the log when Karkat suddenly stops.

 

“Hey, what the  _ fuck _ is that,” he hisses.  You can see his ears fold back in a display of aggression, and you’re suddenly very, very worried.  “No, really, what the everloving FUCK is that?!”

 

When Karkat takes out his sickles, you waste no time in readying your chainsaw.  You might not see the threat, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not there. You glance over at Eridan, and he has his own weapon at the ready as well.  You suppose that’s one benefit of traveling in a group -- you have more than one set of eyes and ears.

 

“Where is it?” Eridan whispers, and Karkat quietly points slightly to your left.

 

The threat isn’t anything from Alternia.

 

It blends in so well with its surroundings that you almost mistake it for a tree at first.  An ambush predator, perhaps? Probably -- it was so quiet that you’re surprised Karkat even saw it in the first place.  The creature is standing about thirty feet away from the three of you, perfectly still and watching.

 

It looks a bit like a hoofbeast, except its legs are too long and it’s far too skinny.  It’s a bit smaller than a hoofbeast, as well, and has horns -- massive, multi-tipped appendages about twice the width of its body.  They’re most likely used for hunting -- catch the prey off guard and gore them. But you won’t be so easily defeat. Not only have you killed daywalkers before, but you also survived Sgrub.  All of you have. This predator has another thing coming. You take a step towards it, and it sprints away.

 

“We should go,” Eridan says quietly.  “It mighta’ been in a pack.” You nod in agreement.

 

Your journey home is filled with tense silence and paranoia.

 

* * *

  
  


“There’s some fucking apex predator in the damn forest,” is the first thing Karkat says when you get back to the others.  Immediately, everyone tenses up. The horrors of the game aren’t over yet.

 

“Yeah,” Eridan adds.  “It was some sorta demented hoofbeast.  And it just fuckin’ stared at us!”

 

“It had massive horns,” you helpfully add.  “They had multiple tips, so I believe that’s how it hunts.”

 

The three of you continue to describe what you saw.  But while the trolls in your group grow more tense, the humans start to relax one by one.  Eventually, the Heir of Breath begins to laugh. The other humans do too -- even Dave is snickering.

 

“What the hell’s so funny?!” Karkat demands.

 

“That was a deer!” John explains.  “They’re harmless!”

 

Oh.

 

Well, that’s a bit embarrassing.

 


End file.
